I didn't bother to read no further than 2 sentences and I already know it's already craptastically full of 2nd person POV issues, the lack of Paragraph break and BLOODY MARY SUE although I did not mention of it cause it's not my intention to mention Bloody Mary Sue
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2009-10-05 04:07 pm (UTC)although I did not mention of it cause it's not my intention to mention Bloody Mary Sue